I Deserve to Believe

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“As your faith is strengthened you will find that there is no longer the need to have a sense of control, that things will flow as they will, and that you will flow with them, to your great delight and benefit.” Emmanuel Teney

Our daughter married three weeks ago, in a storybook wedding.

God was in every detail, right down to her shoes and “something borrowed,” a dragonfly necklace from her grandfather that belonged to me.

The wedding weekend was so overwhelmingly perfect that it made me wonder why I ever question God – present, caring and trustworthy.

But I know why. As a psychology major, I studied that safety is ranked second only to physiological needs on Maslow’s hierarchy.

It is difficult to have faith in anything when we feel insecure and unprotected.

Since many of us grew up without safety in our homes, we drag around skepticism, even decades later, and thoughts like “surely his gifts aren’t for me.” We try not to get our hopes up because we learned not to. We grapple with entrusting our lives, families, weddings, or anything else to God.

Once again, I was reminded at our family’s special celebration that God is the creator of beauty and abundance, not let downs and struggles.

I prayed the next day for a way to relax more often into his care. I wrote to him until I heard a quiet voice inside.

“Repeat after me,” he said, “I deserve to believe.”

WRite wHere I’m supposed to be – We all deserve that same thing. Join me if you’d like for what’s probably my millionth time saying it, “I deserve to believe.”

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2 responses »

  1. Kim, this blog is right where God has me during this Christmas season. I’m choosing to believe Him, through it all. Thanks for this reminder.

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