Marriage, Messes and Miracles

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“… I still hesitate, hoping for a miracle. I forget the miracle is already here.” Anonymous (from devotional reading mentioned below)

My husband John and I were attracted to each other kind of like moths to fire.

He liked that I was quiet, and that my family sat in silence around the kitchen table, listening to each other’s forks scrape the plates.

I liked that he was loud, and that his family was whooping it up during mealtimes … laughing, talking all at once, sometimes even hollering.

We were proof positive that opposites attract. Only thing is, we found out our families weren’t all that different. And that we were attracted because we looked like ”home” to each other.

And that together, we weren’t the perfect couple or a good match or even okay.

We concocted separate plans to settle our differences. He figured we would be okay if he ignored that we weren’t. He got quiet. I figured we’d be okay if I pointed out everything that needed fixing so I got loud.

With all that ignoring and pointing, we found ourselves in a mess, and clueless how to fix it, so we had two children.

I made lists of relational concerns that needed attention. He’d shake his head and walk away. After years of trying our best, our unresolved fights ended the same way over and over.

I’d say, “It’s going to take a miracle to fix this.”

Somewhere along the way, that verdict became a prayer. I wish I could say I prayed it faithfully, but I worried if our marriage would survive. I worried about the effects on our children. I worried what price we’d have to pay to fix the mess we made.

I added to my prayer, “In the end, help our family not be humiliated or devastated.”

Like most repair jobs, our lives got worse before they got better. For a long time, I couldn’t see one bit of improvement. In fact, I had no idea we were mid-miracle until the night of the phone call turned wakeup call. The unsettling news from the other end was an indirect result of our ignoring and pointing, but it also prompted changes that may not have happened otherwise.

“Not exactly what I was hoping for,” I said. “But could this be our miracle?”

A couple of days and a box of Kleenex later, John asked if I realized the call came on August 6th. It’s the date of a significant devotional reading that has offered reassurance when I quit a job, encouragement when we bought a house, and comfort when my dad died.

It’s a hope-filled reading about miracles.

Do you have a marriage miracle to share? Or maybe you’re in need of one? I’m honored to pray alongside you for yours.

WRite wHere I’m supposed to be – Dear God, most of us could use a miracle, and we’d spare ourselves if we trusted you to know when, where and what kind. I hope ours offers hope to others.

On the side: John and I recently celebrated our 34th anniversary, one day at time.

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5 responses »

  1. From Facebook:

    Linda Saelg Calvanico said very brave and kind of you to share this story! thanks!
    June 9 at 11:03pm · Unlike · 1

    S. Kim Henson said Thanks, Linda. I appreciate you supporting my blog ever since we met. You’re special. : )
    June 9 at 11:56pm · Like · 1

    Linda Saelg Calvanico said welll you’re special to me too and such an inspiration!
    June 10 at 12:00am · Unlike · 1

    Anjana C. Duff said Linda is right, it is brave of you – and generous. Most people don’t like to admit their marriages aren’t perfect, but we all know that no marriage is perfect. If more people were brave enough to be honest and share their experiences, it would be so much more encouraging to everyone….we’re all in the same boat and have had similar or equal messes. Sharing more of our messes and how we get through them might even lead to more miracles. Thanks for sharing. 🙂 XO
    June 10 at 11:23pm · Unlike · 2

    S. Kim Henson ‎said Anjana, your comment is a big encouragement to keep writing honestly. My blog posts have been guarded … part of why it’s been difficult to write. I want to share openly, and also keep it positive and be aware not to share too much about family and friends unless I’m sure they’re okay with it. I also don’t want a run-on account of woes and whining. Ugh. I love what you said about sharing may lead to more miracles. That’s my hope! ♥ you!
    Monday at 12:29pm · Like · 1

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