Stalling (a post about honesty)

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“No legacy is so rich as honesty.” William Shakespeare

“No legacy is so rich as honesty.”
William Shakespeare (Artwork by Kelly Rae Roberts)

Stalling. I’ve done a lot of it lately.

I put off posting on my blog because I was afraid of what you might think. Afraid I’d be misunderstood and judged. And the worst, afraid I’d be told I shouldn’t feel the way I already do.

After thinking through all that, I wasn’t up for sharing about our daughter’s ultrasound, the one that showed the sex of our grandbaby.  We’re having a granddaughter, by the way.

A month after hearing the news and I couldn’t be happier about Claire. Originally, though, I couldn’t have been more scared.

Oh, Claire’s just fine. My fear is about matters of the heart, you know. Isn’t it always?

I wrote Claire’s blog post the week we got home from seeing the ultrasound. I rewrote it the next day, the next week, and the week after that. Finally, I put it away.

When I tried writing something else, nothing fit in the place of Claire. When you read it, you’ll probably wonder why it was hard to share, but this is the kind of relationship I have with my blog posts.

The problem is, my honesty scares me.

I argue for a little less transparency, although I’m not sure why I bother. I’ve threatened to abandon my blog altogether even after reading confirmation from other writers. In her post “Me Too” by Heather Kopp, she writes about readers relating more to what’s wrong in our lives than to what’s right. She says it helps others when we’re willing to tell the hard stories.

So I figure, let Heather be honest and I’ll write fluff. The problem is (yeah, there’s another one), it’s not working. Fluff and I never did get along, probably because of what my husband says, “You’re too honest for your own good” – whatever that means.

Okay, so maybe I know what he means. I also know he’s trying to help, but I’m grasping more each day that …

Honesty is for my own good, and it’s the legacy I want to leave my children and grandchildren.

Do you stall when it comes to telling the truth about your life? It’s all about fear, isn’t it?

Write wHere I’m supposed to be – Writing about why I’m not posting seemed the best idea for now. At least I’m showing up. I believe God’s okay with it too since he sent two guest bloggers for April.

On the side: Beth Pensinger’s blog post appeared last week. Beth Vogt’s post will go live this Wednesday – you won’t want to miss it. And, yes, Claire’s way-too-personal (for me) blog post about matters of the heart will be posted before the end of April.

Click here for more artwork by Kelly Rae Roberts.

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17 responses »

  1. My son showed me the ultrasound pictures of my granddaughter a few years back. I wasn’t sure if I was looking at a glob of playdough or a tumor. He pointed out the area where the doctor concluded the gender, wondering what to say. I remember I said something bland like, “I don’t care what it is as long as it’s healthy.”

    Ends up, his wife gave birth to the human equivalent of a jalapeno pepper. Man, could that girl scream. Last year she discovered there were more people in the world than mom, reaching out to me. It was a rough start but her love was worth waiting for.

    • Thanks for sharing your granddaughter story. I like “the human equivalent of a jalapeño pepper.” 🙂 I’ve heard grandparenting is quite a gift. Can’t wait to see for myself.

  2. Oh you master of the cliffhanger, you!! Now, I simply am busting to read the post about your soon to arrive grandbaby!
    Not to go against your husband but I have always found that an annoying statement! One can never be too honest and it is always for our good 🙂
    One of the reasons I hang out here is your honesty, your openness…and for me, the fact that you find it hard to be transparent and open makes it all the richer. We know it’s true and real because it is hard.
    So, don’t stop and just know that your honesty is refreshing and inspiring to this little Aussie on the other side of the world xo

    • You’ve made my night, Susannah. I love that I’ve written a cliffhanger without even knowing it.

      My husband’s never been a big fan of honesty (not cash register honesty, of course, but being honest about his feelings). He much prefers denial, and he tried to live by the slogan “ignore it and it’ll go away” until I convinced him it doesn’t work with a dripping faucet or a crying wife. He’s still not a big fan, but he’s recognizing the benefits. 🙂

      Thanks so much for hanging out here. I love your company and your encouragement.

  3. Great post Kim.

    Congratulations on your granddaughter. They are such a blessing and you’ll want to write about her every chance you get.

    As for honesty, this week, I found myself in a situation where I was petrified to tell the truth, so scared in fact, to insult and deeply hurt my friend’s feelings. But in the end, not saying anything would be much worse, for all involved. So I chose to start with an apology, and told her the truth. Many might say I was TOO honest.

    God’s Word tells us to tell a friend 3 times when they’ve done wrong. That’s what I did.

    And I think it’s a man thing not to tell about their feelings. Mine’s like that too and I know of many others. Yes, it’s a man thing.

    • Wise words, Renee-Ann. If not sharing feelings is a man thing, feeling petrified to tell the truth must be a female thing. I can really relate, especially to the “too honest” statement. I hope your talk went well with your friend.

      Thanks for the congratulations. We’re very excited and anxious for July (and Claire) to arrive.

      • Yes, I think you’re right, being petrified to tell the truth can be a female thing! 😉

        Our friend and her husband joined a “sect” and we’re trying with all our might to bring them back to ‘the truth’. So far, the talk is going well but I covet prayers! Big Time!

        Looking forward to hearing about your new granddaughter.

        Blessings

        Renee-Ann

      • They and you have my prayers, Renee-Ann. It’s so hard to watch the people we care about go away. I’m praying they can hear your words.

  4. Kim

    Just getting caught up a bit.

    When it necessary to tell something, one should be honest for in every virtue practiced there is a reward.

    it is not always necessary to tell all for there are things better to be held, mused, nurtured and enjoyed.

    Bob

    • You’re right, Bob. It takes discernment to know what to tell and what to keep to ourselves, and to figure why we’re doing one or the other.

      Thanks for commenting. Hope you’re doing well after your surgery. Saying a prayer for you and Agnes that recovery is gentle for both of you.

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