Stalling. I’ve done a lot of it lately.
I put off posting on my blog because I was afraid of what you might think. Afraid I’d be misunderstood and judged. And the worst, afraid I’d be told I shouldn’t feel the way I already do.
After thinking through all that, I wasn’t up for sharing about our daughter’s ultrasound, the one that showed the sex of our grandbaby. We’re having a granddaughter, by the way.
A month after hearing the news and I couldn’t be happier about Claire. Originally, though, I couldn’t have been more scared.
Oh, Claire’s just fine. My fear is about matters of the heart, you know. Isn’t it always?
I wrote Claire’s blog post the week we got home from seeing the ultrasound. I rewrote it the next day, the next week, and the week after that. Finally, I put it away.
When I tried writing something else, nothing fit in the place of Claire. When you read it, you’ll probably wonder why it was hard to share, but this is the kind of relationship I have with my blog posts.
The problem is, my honesty scares me.
I argue for a little less transparency, although I’m not sure why I bother. I’ve threatened to abandon my blog altogether even after reading confirmation from other writers. In her post “Me Too” by Heather Kopp, she writes about readers relating more to what’s wrong in our lives than to what’s right. She says it helps others when we’re willing to tell the hard stories.
So I figure, let Heather be honest and I’ll write fluff. The problem is (yeah, there’s another one), it’s not working. Fluff and I never did get along, probably because of what my husband says, “You’re too honest for your own good” – whatever that means.
Okay, so maybe I know what he means. I also know he’s trying to help, but I’m grasping more each day that …
Honesty is for my own good, and it’s the legacy I want to leave my children and grandchildren.
Do you stall when it comes to telling the truth about your life? It’s all about fear, isn’t it?
Write wHere I’m supposed to be – Writing about why I’m not posting seemed the best idea for now. At least I’m showing up. I believe God’s okay with it too since he sent two guest bloggers for April.
On the side: Beth Pensinger’s blog post appeared last week. Beth Vogt’s post will go live this Wednesday – you won’t want to miss it. And, yes, Claire’s way-too-personal (for me) blog post about matters of the heart will be posted before the end of April.
Click here for more artwork by Kelly Rae Roberts.