A Quiet Miracle (one I almost talked through)

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“A time to tear apart and a time to sew together; A time to be silent and a time to speak.” Ecclesiastes 3:7 #WhileLovingthePeopleInIt

Although I wouldn’t call this a typical Thanksgiving post, today, I’m grateful.

For a few weeks now, our family’s been going through growing pains, which makes me feel crazy because, even when I don’t know what to do, I believe God needs my help.

I can’t get out of the way. I can’t shut up.

When I say, “I can’t,” it’s not that I won’t. I mean I can’t. I’ve made up my mind and tried dozens of times before. Too many frightening images pop up like the time I got out of the way and shut up with Mom and Dad, and we spoke to each other only three or four more times before Dad died.

I can’t shut up.

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I’m terrified of quiet. I mean, I’m an introvert, so I love it when I’m alone and peaceful and there is no noise. But if there’s something that needs fixing, I can’t keep quiet about it.

Last week, while I sat in the wrong parking lot that I accidentally pulled into, I talked to my daughter about feeling crazy, which is even more scary for me right before the holidays. We’ll all be together and I’ll talk, especially in the middle of growing pains.

“I don’t know why I’m telling you this story, but what you’re going through right now reminds me of what you and I went through after Claire was born. It wasn’t until you got quiet that I recognized my part,” she said.

Wait. What? When I got quiet?

Kelly and I hit a rough spot after our first grandchild arrived three and a half years ago. She and my son-in-law asked me to move in for a week to help. I changed diapers, rocked Claire, stayed up late into the nights, cooked meals, made beds, washed clothes, and cleaned, but I couldn’t do anything quite right. Kelly’s conversations with me were edgy and unpredictable. The atmosphere was tense, and it got worse when I talked with her about it.

I told you, I can’t shut up.

I finally said to my husband John, “I’d rather never see Claire again than set an example for her by allowing this kind of disrespect.”

I meant it. Disregard for women, really, people in general, runs rampant in both of our families. I set out, I think from birth, to put an end to our unhealthy generational patterns, even though clueless about how to do it. In fact, many times I did the opposite of what was right, but I did something. My resolve was never stronger than the first time I held Claire.  

Detaching from Kelly and her family ranks among the hardest choices I’ve ever made. I stepped away for about three months from grandparenting. Kelly and I talked seldom and I saw Claire even less.

Our break ended with Kelly apologizing. It didn’t happen overnight, but it still seemed she grew up right in front of me. On the phone and crying, and still in the wrong parking lot, I said, “I wondered what I said that helped you recognize your bad attitude and your resentments.”

Nothing.

I took a deep breath on the phone. I’m taking another one now. I cried then. I’m crying now while writing this.

It wasn’t anything I said. It was all the things I stopped saying.

All my talking …sun-622740_960_720

and she tells me the thing that worked was being quiet.

I couldn’t hear “be quiet” until this moment because of my fear of losing the people I’ve loved most. I still know there are plenty of times I need to speak up, but there have been many more times I’ve needed to shut up, but I could not. I’d shake until I talked.

This week’s been different. I’ve been quiet, which is called a miracle. It’s my Thanksgiving miracle, and I believe God will extend the Grace of it onto my family while I quietly watch.

If you’re in the middle of a mess, please believe with me that a miracle is on its way. God loves surprising us when we least expect it.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. I love y’all dearly.

In This Together,
Kim

Here’s a funny side note about when I told Claire, aka Amelia Bedelia, “I love you dearly.” She said, “Mammy, who’s dearly?”

Thanks for the images, Pixabay.com. Wow, I’m even feeling more grateful for your site today. ‘Tis the season for gratefulness …

 

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17 responses »

  1. You know it is strange but just this morning I was thinking how much easier a lot of things might be if some of those who have been in my life would just say they are sorry. I remember being in a park one day when my youngest was about 5. We were swinging and having lunch high up in the kiddie play house. A man and his son came to play and the man struck up a conversation with me. He eventually asked me “what I did” , meaning for a living. When I told him that I was a Pastor he went off on me suddenly about how women should never ever be Pastors. At that point I really had heard that enough and did not like how that made my daughter feel. So, I quietly just grabbed her hand and we walked home. I said nothing in rebuttal to his comment. I think maybe over a year went by when I visited a local church with some of the other of the people I was shepherd to. We had a great time worshiping with that church! As I left a man came up to me and asked if we could talk. I did not recognize him until he reminded me that he was the man in the park that day. He said he was deeply sorry, that he was not very well educated as to how women participated in the church during Biblical times. He shook my hand and I went off to go home. I have to tell you it really really gave me healing. Sometimes saying nothing really is the best thing.

    • Oh my gosh, Jenine. You’ve never told me this story. I got chills reading it. It’s really beautiful. ❤

      It is a wonderful testimony of how God works when we get out of the way and let him do what he does so well … he heals. He healed you and the man.

      Thanks for sharing it here. It's a gift to me and anyone else who reads it, I’m sure.

      I love you … can't ever tell you enough! ❤

  2. God how this rang my bell Kim It is amazing how much we have in common. I am so thankful God sent you in my life if only to remind me I am not God and I need to realize I just can’t fix everything Thanks again my friend I needed this

    • Hahaha, Mary. We are NOT God. I can’t tell you how many times a friend reminded me of that before it sank in a little. These days, I don’t think I’m God, but I still think He needs my help. Sometimes He even needs me to tell Him what to do. 🙂 I’m sort of kidding, but you probably couldn’t convince Him of that.

      I love that you and I have connected on here and on Facebook. I can relate to you, as well. Another friend used to tell me I couldn’t fix things and “Figure it out” isn’t in the Bible. Oops.

      Thanks for your comment. Hugs to you! xoxox Happy Thanksgiving! ❤

  3. Kim, this post spoke to me also. As a fellow introvert, I know it does sound strange to be talking about shutting up. It seems we introverts sometimes talk when we shouldn’t and don’t speak when we should. It’s a journey of learning when and when not to say something. I can think of many arguments I had with my father when I should have said nothing but turned hateful instead. I’m reminded of my sales training days when I told salespeople that the most powerful thing they could do was to make their pitch as briefly as possible and then shut up and listen. Often, clients would talk themselves into buying the product. Anyway, thanks as always for an insightful post. I think I missed a few of your posts amid the craziness of the past few weeks.

    • Hi Mary,

      I’m not sure you missed many, if any, since I didn’t write as much during the craziness. Thanks for commenting on this one. ❤

      It is interesting how, at times, we speak up almost polar opposite to when and how we should. A friend used to remind me, "Do the opposite of what you'd normally do." I think he recognized there were a lot of things I said and did that would have been best done the other way around. 🙂 It's nice to have wise friends who know how to diplomatically turn us around and point us in the right direction. He should have been around for some of my conversations more recently.

      I'm interested to see how this "being quiet" thing works. I think, like you said, it’s going to be powerful. I'll let you know. I'm glad you stopped by.

      ❤ Kim

  4. From Facebook (Kathy Andros Eckert’s page) ~

    A Thanksgiving Blessing for you and your family written by a dear friend of mine! ~ Forgive and love, or you will be the lonely one on this road called life. Love you, Kim Henson!

    Maria Franken and Kathy Andros Eckert

    Kim Henson I love you, Kathy Andros Eckert! ❤ Thank you for sharing.
    Like · Reply · November 27 at 10:38pm

  5. From Facebook (Isabel Thoroughgood’s page) ~

    Wonderful, incredible blog post dear Kim Henson
    So much thanks for sharing.

    Joel Carter and Maria Franken

    Kim Henson Awe, Isabel Thoroughgood, you’re sharing me across the pond. ❤ Thanks so much. I hope your Thanksgiving is delicious and wonderful. I'm thankful for you!
    Like · Reply · November 23 at 12:15am

    Isabel Thoroughgood Dear patient John, love you both
    Unlike · Reply · 1 · November 23 at 12:20am

    Kim Henson I'll pass this along to him, Isabel Thoroughgood. ❤ He'll appreciate it so much. I love you!
    Like · Reply · 1 · November 23 at 12:24am

  6. From Facebook (Jacqui Barrett-Poindexter’s page) ~

    Thoughtful message via Kim Henson.

    Mary McKerihan Wilson and 1 other

    Kim Henson Thanks so much for passing this along, Jacqui Barrett-Poindexter. ❤
    Like · Reply · 1 · November 22 at 9:59pm · Edited

    Jacqui Barrett-Poindexter Thank YOU for your openness + meaningful message, Kim.
    Unlike · Reply · 1 · November 23 at 10:00am

    Kim Henson Jacqui Barrett-Poindexter ❤
    Like · Reply · November 27 at 10:40pm

    Mary McKerihan Wilson I love it when my talented writer friends support each other!
    Unlike · Reply · 2 · November 23 at 5:04pm

    Jacqui Barrett-Poindexter Thank you for inspiring our connection, Mary!
    Unlike · Reply · 2 · November 25 at 1:08pm

    Kim Henson Yes, Mary McKerihan Wilson … thank you!
    Like · Reply · 1 · November 27 at 10:39pm

  7. From Facebook (Connie Gardner’s page) ~

    Kim Henson Thanks, sweet friend! ❤ I love you.
    Like · Reply · 1 · November 22 at 4:48pm

    Connie Gardner I love you Kim, I actually shut up but others don't but I gave up a few months ago after 50 years of crying .. thank you🙌
    Unlike · Reply · 1 · November 22 at 4:58pm

    Kim Henson Connie Gardner, I sure understand. I'm happy to have friends who relate and we can support each other.
    Like · Reply · 1 · November 22 at 5:01pm · Edited

    Connie Gardner Kim Henson amen .. thank you 🙌
    Unlike · Reply · 1 · November 22 at 5:51pm

  8. From Facebook (Kim Henson) ~

    Jan Rogers Terry, Sally J. Taylor and 19 others

    5 shares

    Connie Gardner Unreal , I feel like I’m reading my life😢🙌 Lord help us all🙏
    Unlike · Reply · 1 · November 22 at 4:39pm

    Kim Henson Hahahaha, Connie Gardner. I’ve been watching you. 🙂 And hearing you. Lol. I love you so much! ❤ We're going to heal through this, I promise.
    Like · Reply · November 22 at 4:44pm

    Kim Henson Connie Gardner ❤
    Kim Henson's photo.
    Like · Reply · 1 · November 23 at 8:44am

    Connie Gardner Awe . I love you🙌😢
    Unlike · Reply · 1 · November 23 at 8:47am

    Tammy James Quinn This is so common! You're a great mother and grandmother. We have had these moments and thanks to mama it never lasted long. She is so wise. One time she told me she was mad and she told my daddy, " I'm not happy", to which he replied, " I dont care"…See More
    Unlike · Reply · 1 · November 22 at 4:54pm

    Kim Henson Thanks for sharing about your family, Tammy James Quinn. Your mom does sound very wise. It's wonderful to have a good example to follow. Also, thanks for your sweet comments. Love you! ❤
    Like · Reply · 1 · November 22 at 9:15pm

    Brent Lowell Johnson Very good. To go counterintuitive is a very hard thing. I remember when we first rralized we were helicopter parents you know hovering over the kids. We decided to allow them to fail while still young. But it was hard not fixing it but in the end they found their way. Great article.
    Unlike · Reply · 3 · November 22 at 5:57pm

    Kim Henson Thanks so much, Brent Lowell Johnson. You must have been following John Rosemond. He talks about helicopter parents in one of his books. We had an article by him on our fridge and our kids would walk by and stick their tongues out at him. LoL. He helped save our family. 🙂
    Like · Reply · 2 · November 22 at 9:17pm
    rner
    Summer Turner Oh, lordy, with two girls who've become strong, independent middle aged women, I learned a long time ago not to speak out unless they asked me for advice. It's been the hardest part of being a mom.
    Unlike · Reply · 2 · November 22 at 6:28pm

    Kim Henson It is tough with grown children, Summer Turner, but I have a MUCH harder time with John. It's easier for me to be quiet when they're not around 24/7. I've told the kids how lucky they are because I've always focused more on their dad. #ineedducttape
    Like · Reply · 2 · November 22 at 9:21pm

    Summer Turner Duct tape — haha!
    Unlike · Reply · 1 · November 22 at 9:23pm

    Kim Henson 🙂
    Like · Reply · November 23 at 12:02am

    Mary Lancaster God how this rang my bell Kim It is amazing how much we have in common. I am so thankful God sent you in my life if only to remind me I am not God and I need to realize I just can’t fix everything Thanks again my friend I needed this
    Unlike · Reply · 2 · November 22 at 9:52pm

    Kim Henson Thanks so much, Mary Lancaster. ❤ I've loved getting to know you here and on my blog. We do have a lot in common. You should probably worry about that. 😉 One of those things is we are NOT God. Hahaha. Good thing, too. I think He's doing a fine job without our help. (y)
    Like · Reply · 2 · November 22 at 9:58pm

    Mary Lancaster I agree lol
    Unlike · Reply · 2 · November 22 at 9:58pm

    Kim Henson Mary Lancaster, but if He ever needs our help, we're ready. 🙂 🙂
    Like · Reply · 3 · November 22 at 10:18pm · Edited

    Kim Henson Thanks, Nancy Launi. ❤ This is heartwarming.
    Kim Henson's photo.
    Like · Reply · 6 · November 23 at 12:07am

    Mary McKerihan Wilson I left a comment on your blog and on the others I missed in the past few weeks.
    Unlike · Reply · 2 · November 23 at 9:21am

    Kim Henson Thanks so much, Mary McKerihan Wilson. I think I saw them all and commented back. I always appreciate your thoughtful comments. ❤
    Like · Reply · November 27 at 10:42pm

    Kathy Andros Eckert Seems like you have your finger on the pulse of many of your friends, sweet Kim! To say that this blessed me would be an absolute understatement. We all have this in our families, and some of us can admit it and some can't. I pray that your Thanksgivi…See More
    Unlike · Reply · 3 · November 23 at 9:38am

    Kim Henson Hahahaha, Kathy Andros Eckert. And get me a tissue. Reading your comment, I laughed and teared up at the same time. ❤ "Can I use the stick to hit stupid family members" … you're too funny, as well as being transparent, passionate, and generous with your love. I'm so lucky to have reconnected with you. Love you dearly, sweet friend! 😀 ❤
    Like · Reply · November 27 at 10:47pm · Edited

    Perry Tesh wow im glad i got to read this, i never know whats gonna come out of my mouth and i do believe in the power of being quiet. i used it last week for a bit on a professional level for hours, but DANG If i didnt feel like i was choking and i threw up words like running water, ill practice even more now
    Unlike · Reply · 1 · November 23 at 10:48am · Edited

    Kim Henson Awe, thanks, Perry Tesh. ❤ I saw that you had a visit at work. I bet that's when you were choking. It made me angry to read your FB post. I would have liked to have driven there and said a thing or two myself, except I'm supposed to practice this stuf…See More
    Like · Reply · 1 · November 28 at 4:04am · Edited

    Perry Tesh and that was the day!!! lol im practicing daily to STOP and think before i spew!!😘💪
    Unlike · Reply · 1 · November 28 at 3:56am

    Kim Henson Perry Tesh, me too, but there are exceptions. 😉 lol
    Like · Reply · 1 · Yesterday at 12:18am

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